It took a lot for me to realize the horrible things about my past relationship, only after it had ended. Toxic relationships can be hard to identify sometimes when you’re in them. You come to love or be infatuated with a person and then blind yourself and convince yourself everything is fine, when it’s not. Just like that, I remained in such a relationship for almost 3 years.
It took me several breaks, a few dates and one man to give me the realization I had needed all along. The relationship I was in before had been quite frequently on and off, as something would happen, we would argue, we’d go on a break, come back to each other, and the cycle continued. None of the real problems ever got resolved, they just snowballed by the end. In my case, there was a tonne of disrespect, something I was unaware of (it being my first long term relationship), a deal of stubbornness, and just plain wrongness in many situations, but I’m not here to bash it.
The breaks really helped. I do suggest it if you are ever stuck not knowing what to do as a couple when facing an issue. From personal experience, it did open up my eyes, a lot. Sometimes, you both just need some personal space and time for growth. Now, it is important to focus on yourself at that time. During those times I found myself in a great deal of freedom, and you can find guidance within yourself during those times. You can truly experience what your heart wants/needs when you are able to do whatever you desire. It can help you establish a solid sense of what you want. Although it isn’t always the best idea, I ended up dating a few people in those breaks, and I truly think one opened the door to happiness.
This one person is one who changed my mind completely. I felt no tether pulling me back into the long relationship anymore. There was no want for that comfort of being back in a place where I’d already invested so much time in. This other person showed me what respect was, and how a relationship should go. We never went anywhere due to no feelings and other circumstances, but he taught me how to have fun and also how I should have treated myself (as in, not subjecting myself to anything less in a relationship).
I find that the door he opened was like a door to another universe. This universe had not boys, but real men. Men who cared for their women deeply and relentlessly. Men who knew how to treat someone with respect like no other. I had been used to deception, lies, and manipulation, so this was like a fairytale to me.
Sometimes, we need to take a look around. We need to value ourselves and ensure that our partners are there for support, care and love we deserve. Otherwise, not only are they disrespecting us, we are disrespecting ourselves.
Everyone deserves true love: a relationship not only full of love, but nurturing of each other, full of happiness, and still cared for in the worst of times. I do hope for the rest of the world that they find their happy ending, but also, never forget to love yourself first.
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